And as I sit here, tears streaming down my face, typing, I can see her wise little eyes staring at me and wonder if some how, some where in her, she will miss me even half as much as I will miss her. My heart is breaking at the thought of losing her and I feel the totality of what everyone is so free to say, 'it will be so tough', 'I could never do that', and I wonder, maybe I am ignorant and I really couldn't see the pain coming in giving a baby over in surrogacy, or maybe, I knew I would be brave enough to accept that pain. And then I let go of making sense of it all and I just Feel what comes. Right now, it is sweet sadness. Actually, just sadness. After some sleep I will again have some of the sweet.
Anthony's 4th Birthday
1 year ago