Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Adjusting to normal life..........

Well, on day 3, I went into the hospital for fever and dehydration. It seems recovery under stress and with my blood loss was too much. So, recovery slower than normal.

Day 5, the new family moved out and I cried as much as possible in private, not sure how my family would feel about my tears. I knew nursing her would make it tough to part, but I feel I owe it to her. I will give her every ounce of me until I no longer can, which would be when she returns to Australia in a couple of weeks. They are near by and come for a couple of nursings in the afternoon, which is the highlight of my day. The rest of the time, I am expressing and storing milk for her parents to give her.

My book has been my constant companion as I can write and organize my thoughts about surrogacy. My outlook is good and I feel that this journey has been perfectly designed for us all and I am extremely grateful.


  1. Your amazing.. And you did an amazing thing...Keep it up and cry all you want! I thought my IF's wouldnt want to hear me cry but they did and said its what made them love me...Crying makes you human and beautiful... Hugs

  2. thx. i will remember that very much. what do you think about your kids seeing you cry? i think i have a weird need to be 'strong' for them which i apparently interpret as not crying. but they asked me tonight if i will miss her when she is gone and i told them absolutely. i will cry like a baby. need to break those unhealthy behaviors we have learned, right?

  3. I have no experiences with which to draw advice from, but I think it's wonderful and natural for you to cry and for your kids to see it. You are a mother to them and they KNOW the extent of your love and compassion. I think it would be odd if you were detached about seperating from this life you've been part of creating.

  4. I am weeping as I write this.

    Such a beautiful photo, Tara.

    And I'm thinking about the title you gave this post. Your "normal" life will forever be different now, for such a good reason. Even after Mikayla is far from you in distance, she will always be in your heart. Your body will remember. You have a new normal. Awesome.

    When I cry in front of Oscar, I try to tell him what's going on, too. So the tears aren't the only communication or statement, if that makes sense. I'm sure your children will understand. That said, sometimes I just need to be on my own and have a good cry, knowing that no one can hear or see me!