Monday, June 7, 2010


Six months ago, I VERY painfully birthed this beautiful, special, wonderful little girl :-) 
I'm not one to call birth painful or traumatic, but hers was, if there is such a thing.....and now, I am convinced that there is. Even though I have had four beautiful home births, and the fourth was the most powerful and lovely event of my life, I now have experienced what some mothers are so afraid of. It feels good to be that honest and real about it...and it took this long. Mika's birth was so difficult and even complicated, I believe, due to my inability to process the dynamics of the surrogacy. I was so afraid to be too 'close', too in love. I was so afraid to be hurt. It took one horrific birth, and four weeks of nursing her to finally let my walls down. And I did. I'm so grateful that I did. The love and beauty that I experienced surpassed any ideals of the beauty of surrogacy that I had entertained previously. Because I let go and loved her, experiencing the fullness of handing over a baby that my heart wanted so fully, I am always going to be richly blessed!

Thank you, my sweet, sweet Mika for gracing my life. I'll love you always!