Thursday, September 24, 2009

INDUCING because you have FAST labor???

Had an interesting visit with the OB today. This woman was harsh (physically, when she scrubbed the gel off of my belly), and the epitome of western maternity care. She even suggested that inducing me would be a way to avoid a 'surprise' birth as I have had a couple of very fast labors. 28 weeks and she brings up induction.

I'm just in shock contrasting midwifery care (which is my only experience), with modern medicalized maternity care. How sad a state. And these women and babies get robbed of such a beautiful part of life. That's why I am so excited to publish my book on the normalcy of birth.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

88 days and counting

I feel that I really shouldn't be posting as my attitude is rotten as I am overwhelmed with work and responsibilities. As I sit here at 9:30 PM, my day began 14 hours ago and I have not had a break (other than eating dinner with the kids), all day. It's obvious that my life needs some adjusting and I am ready for it. Throwing pregnancy on top of what I am already responsible for is kind of unfathomable today.

This reminds me of the first trimester in that I am tired of hearing myself complain! So, I will go to bed, say my prayers, my affirmations and believe that I will wake up refreshed and ready to hold on to the roller coaster of my days.

Monday, September 21, 2009

I'm just so tired.....

Tired and headaches. Complainy, right? It is bedtime, and I get whiny. Thankfully, my boyfriend is very tolerant and patient with me. Why is it that this pregnancy is so much harder all together than the others? Everything seems more intense. Is it the difference in it being a surrogacy or the difference from being a single mother to being married? I certainly have more responsibility and obligations now. These all keep me quite busy. But, altogether, it is just more intense. Maybe if I were able to slow down more often. Maybe if I could relax longer and more frequently.

I'm simply praying now that I just have the ability to accept the differences and just roll with the punches as much as possible. So, because my head hurts and I am exhausted, that is all of the pondering even though it is a only a most 9:30, goodnight.

Monday, September 14, 2009

26 weeks and still self portraits

As we have been consumed with many work projects plus home projects like paint prep, my desire to have photos taken of me has not come to fruition. so, how about this silly self portrait? As I sat in the tub, elevating my swollen feet, I couldn't help but laugh at my view. I've actually always loved this view. Hard for me to believe that I actually have 14 weeks(ish) left. I'm so busy and active and deliberately still doing handstands, headstands and deep backbends, I am not sure how to imagine doing them then.......but I intend to keep practicing and you can see them in my yoga book next year!

As I wrote earlier tonight in my surrogacy book (another one you can read next year), I just felt that I poured my heart out and it felt so freeing. I can only hope that I have the strength to not edit my journal entries, but portray a raw and honest presentation of my journey. It's up. It's down. It's in between, but the driving force for me now is seeing mom and dad hold their sweet baby girl for the first time and know that I was a small part of that miracle. So, for tonight, this overworked and overtired mama is going to lie down and cheerfully wrestle between the two possible sleep positions left available with this body.......left side, or right side..........

And, BTW, my thighs are NOT that big! Distortion from the water, I promise!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

24.5 weeks

We had another ultrasound and this little girl is a beauty! Her face looks like a girl! Way to go mom and dad :-)

So, work has been consuming and my mother is visiting. No nap times. Getting so incredibly tired. Feel nauseaus because I can't seem to find a happy balance of animal protein and vegan. Working on preparing for my Prenatal yoga video and and Prenatal Yoga photo shoot for my book. Whew. Wish I had more time and energy for practice.

Kind of looking forward to being 50. Surely my life will slow down by then........