Here I share my journey through surrogacy from beginning to the unrecognized after......
Thursday, January 14, 2010
But the nights are no good
It seems that the evening is the toughest time for me as there is less to distract me from the thoughts of my little surro angel. Or is it that I am tired and wish, much like an infant would, the comfort of nursing and cuddling? Whatever it is, my heart feels sad and tonight I wonder why I feel more sad the last couple of days? It's like I know she is longing for me too and I can't do anything about it. It's amazing how a person can harbor such highs and lows of emotion simultaneously. I am sad and lost and longing for Mika, and at the same time, I am happy to be getting back to my life and eager to experience all that is in front of me. But, yet, maybe that is it. I am moving on and returning to normal, whatever that is, and I feel that I have left her and our sacred time together. That somehow I may possibly forget our sweet December. But I know that could never happen. I will never lose the connection I have with this little soul. As time pulls me away, I feel the rawness healing, but I will never forget. So, tonight sweet Mika, sleep deeply and know that I love you and wish you well. And, as usual, you will be the last image in my eyes as I fall asleep.
I am married to my best friend and the love of my life. I am first and foremost a home-schooling mother of four children (one in college). Together with my husband, we own a wellness center and yoga studio. I am a certified yoga teacher and in my spare time, I am an author. :-)