My latest topic is the impending weaning from the pump. As I am enjoying more and more freedom in body, mind and spirit, I feel that I am emotionally strong enough to let go of this tie to my surrogate baby. The inconvenience has not been an issue until lately and I take comfort in the mothering hormones that flood my body on a regular basis when lactating. Still.....my freezer is full of milk, still without a certainty to whether or not it will be used.
I guess that I not only feel like I am letting go of Mika, but I am letting go of this phase of my life. Never again will I be pregnant or nurse a baby. Never again will I be here. It's about letting life come and go and growing older. My oldest is 16 and my youngest is 6. It won't be long and they will be adults. No more babies of my own.
Having babies will always be the happiest time of my life. There is nothing like growing and nurturing new life. Nothing like walking along side a toddler and experiencing everything with them for the first time. Nothing like cloth diapers hanging on the line and curled up on the sofa with a little one nursing, the house messy and nothing else seems to matter besides that sweet little one at your breast. But I can look forward to nurturing my children as new parents and guiding them through their journeys. This will be a joy as well.
As I prepare mentally and emotionally to dry my milk, I am not confronted with the technicality of it. It will involve yet another trip to the health food store for herbs. And although one of the tricks is to reduce fluid intake, I'm not sure that I am ambitious enough about drying up to go around dehydrated for a couple of days. So, here's to letting go and moving on. Here's to growing older and embracing it.
Anthony's 4th Birthday
1 year ago