Saturday, April 3, 2010

The last tie is fading

As I just pumped for what is likely the last time in my life, and for my sweet Mika, I am flooded with bitter sweet feelings. I recall all of the times that we lay close together nursing and even the days prior when she lay nestled in my belly. It seems that time makes everything easier, but can't erase the memories.

Yesterday, I had the joy of holding a baby that is just a week or two younger than Mikayla. This mama and baby were in my prenatal yoga classes and we had the time to get to know each other a bit. To hold this little baby girl felt so healing for me. When Mikayla left, I really couldn't stand to look at pregnant women or babies and over time, it has gotten easier. To truly enjoy being with this new mama and baby was comforting and I will treasure it.

So many people ask me what being a surrogate was like, and want to know almost in passing the details of this enormous journey. There's no way that I can say what it was like in passing, or even a couple of blog entries. That is why I have a book. Some day, when it is published, everyone can see what it was and is really like. So much bigger than one moment can share.

As I celebrate this Easter weekend, and the gift of New Life, I close my eyes, breathe deeply and feel that sweet, little warm body against me and know that in the smallest way, I have a sense of what it means to give life <3.

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